Follow this section to personalize your feed and get instant alerts. Update your preferences in Account Settings Follow this tag to personalize your feed and get instant alerts. Update your preferences in Account Settings Follow this author to personalize your feed and get instant alerts. Update your preferences in Account Settings Follow this author to personalize your feed and get instant alerts. Update your preferences in Account Settings Cheryl Groskopf, a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, once lived next door to a very loud little dog. It barked for hours at a time, including as she worked from home and tried to sleep at night. She initially chalked up the barking to puppyhood, but it kept getting worse. “The tiniest little jingle of the keys would set it off,” she says. Eventually, she stopped barbecuing in her backyard—her favorite pastime—because her presence there triggered the dog. But then she realized the absurdity of the situation. “Wait, no,” she recalls thinking. “I should be outside.” She finally texted her neighbor to ask if everything was OK. Her neighbor’s response: “Oh my God, I didn’t know it was this bad.” By then, Groskopf had developed a less charitable explanation. “She doesn’t care about her dog,” she recalls thinking. “She doesn’t care about her neighbors.” Having a therapist’s tools hadn’t made her immune to resentment—and it didn’t make the prospect of speaking up any less awkward. “You want to maintain a relationship with someone you have to see regularly,” she says. So how do you ask for quiet without making every subsequent encounter uncomfortable? We asked experts what to say—and how to follow up if the barking continues. If you decide it’s worth speaking up, choose a calm moment. (Not an afternoon when you’re fired up from a constant soundtrack of barking.) Enter the conversation with an open mind. Your neighbor might not have any idea how much of their dog’s day you’re hearing—or how much it’s disrupting yours. That can feel like a particularly generous interpretation when you haven’t had a decent night’s sleep all week. “You’re exhausted, you’re frustrated, and there’s 15 arguments in your head about why this person sucks,” Groskopf says. Before sending that pivotal text, she poured her unfiltered feelings into her Notes app first—cuss words included—then waited an hour before drafting something she could actually send. If you’re going the face-to-face route, ask if it’s an OK time for a conversation before launching into a complaint, advises Sarah Gershman, an executive speech coach who teaches communication at Georgetown University and Johns Hopkins University. She likes this wording: “I was hoping we could talk about something that’s been bothering me. I’d love to share my perspective, hear yours, and see if we can figure out a solution together.” Then explain what’s happening on your side of the wall or fence. Gershman suggests: “I’ve been waking up at night because of your dog barking, and it’s been hard to get back to sleep. I realize you may not even know this is happening. I’m wondering if we can figure something out together.” Ask whether they’ve noticed the barking and what might be setting it off. “You don’t know what their intent is,” she says, “but you do know the impact it’s having on your life.” A few specifics can help keep everyone from barking up the wrong tree. Instead of complaining that the chihuahua next door howls “all day,” provide exact times and durations, suggests Kate LaSala, a dog trainer and behavior consultant in New York who specializes in fear, aggression, and separation anxiety. Perhaps the dog barked from 9 to 9:42 a.m., then again from 10:10 to 10:20. Those details can help the owner connect the noise to a delivery, a visitor, or being left alone. If you’re concerned about the dog, say so. LaSala suggests explaining that “your dog sounds like they might be in distress or panicked.” You’re giving the owner information they can use to help their
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