And so it came to pass that the end of days was nigh and people were commanded to stock up on canned food and bottled water so they might thus survive the coming Apocalypse. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth as prophets warned of wars and pestilence, of intelligent machines rising up to smite their creators, of great floods and ferocious wildfires as Earth sought revenge for the sins committed against it. And the Wise Men who ruled their kingdoms said: "Be not afraid. Gather unto yourselves sufficient provisions to last three days. Fill thy cupboards with tinned beans and vegetables and store many litres of water in tightly-sealed vessels. And forget not batteries and candles for darkness may descend and the Internet shalt not work." And the people asked: "But what of our mobile phones?" And the Wise Men answered: "Thou shalt be useless." And the people wept. And regional and rural Australians shrugged and said: "So what's new?" And the people wondered if their leaders knew something they did not, for the Kingdom of Britain had just launched a "Be Ready" campaign encouraging citizens to prepare for days without essential services. And across Europe similar proclamations had been made. And in Australia authorities also advised stocking up on emergency provisions. And in the province of NSW, where lay an abundance of corruption and wickedness, 14 days of supplies was wisely recommended. And the people grew ever more anxious and did beat their breasts and complain as they stockpiled food and realised they would have to use old-fashioned can openers. And many cried out: "This doth not operate in the same smooth manner as the electric version! Behold! Juice of the canned beetroot hath stained thy marble benchtop!" And there was much angst for the stain was not covered by warranty. And amid all this lamentation the wise men warned of worse to come, for if sorcerers unleashed a mighty plague on the world's power grid the people would not be able to buy their daily bread using machines and would have to use cash. And young people around the world shrieked in confusion and asked: "What is this cash of which thou speakest?" And many collapsed with nervous exhaustion when told Google Maps would vanish and long journeys would require plundering of the ancient libraries to find a street directory. And lo, they were mightily puzzled when confronted by such parchments and cried: "Where is the moving blue line? How shalt thou knowest when to turn left in 400 metres?" And those members of the cult of the Doomsday Preppers smiled and looked down on the panicked masses with much smugness and pronounced: "Told you so. Thou shouldst subscribe to my YouTube channel for survival tips and a 20 per cent discount on freeze-dried meals." And the people asked with much hope: "Dost thou offer free shipping?" And the Doomsday prophets said: "Only for orders exceeding $100." And yea, the people trembled further as their social media feeds filled with more warnings that the world was ending. And fear seized their hearts because nuclear annihilation, the melting of the ice caps or the arrival of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse might undermine their superannuation. And many cried out: "Canst thou not supply a timetable for this end of days for we have vacations booked with a non-refundable deposit?" And the prophets only replied: "Like and subscribe for further updates." And it became clear people had forgotten that ever since the beginning of time doomsday predictions had been as plentiful as the locusts of Egypt and true crime podcasts. And every prophet had been proved wrong. And yet they still trembled for they feared that most dreadful dilemma: when Judgement Day arrived should they remain in a bunker crammed with people consuming canned beans or would the air in the wasteland outside be easier to breathe? HAVE YOUR SAY: Do you believe we are close to the end of days as social media fills with apocalyptic predictions? Have you stockpile
También lo cubren: canberratimes.com.au - The Canberra Times - News (Australia), illawarramercury.com.au - Illawarra Mercury - News, illawarramercury.com.au - Illawarra Mercury - News (Australia), newcastleherald.com.au - Newcastle Herald - News, newcastleherald.com.au - Newcastle Herald - News (Australia).
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